Caution, possible triggers ahead There came a time when I no longer tried to kill myself. Partially, I realized it was pointless. Whatever pain and brokenness I had needed solving while I was alive. Otherwise, I would just drag it with me to the afterlife. I was going to have to become whole at someContinue reading “Overcoming Self-Injury”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Anchor
Learning to become my own reason for living When I was a little girl, life was so chaotic. (Check out The Beginning and The Beginning part 2) It was hard to know what to trust. Who would not obliterate me. While, granted, most of that insecurity came from careful brainwashing from my father, there wasContinue reading “Anchor”
Graduation Part 2
A year without therapy Well, it has been a year since I ended 14 ½ years of therapy. I worried I might fall apart. That without the support and accountability—I didn’t know whether I could stay stable on my own. The truth is, I am not on my own. I have my sister, friends, andContinue reading “Graduation Part 2”
Falling Apart
My Journey Through Self Injuring I met Chris when I was 16. He was a friend of a friend. I felt a connection unlike any I had ever felt before. I wanted to know him, to spend time with him, to matter to him. Don’t confuse the way I felt about Chris with sex orContinue reading “Falling Apart”
More Imperfection
Troubles on the job I love my job. Really, truly, honestly. I have been taking care of the same family as a part-time babysitter for almost 7 years, since the oldest child was less than a year old. I just fell into it, but it has been a great run. Still, over 7 years thingsContinue reading “More Imperfection”
De-Vilifying Old Behaviors
Sometimes a pint of Ben and Jerry’s is just ice cream I used to think that I was alone. I thought using food to gain some control or comfort was something that only existed on the fringes of normalcy. I felt pain, shame, and disgust over my behavior. I have an eating disorder. There, IContinue reading “De-Vilifying Old Behaviors”
THERAPY: CRUTCH OR CAST
I have spent most of my adult life in therapy. First, as a Junior in high school. Then, when my close friend was in a car accident and almost died when I was 19. I had, for lack of a better word, a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t function. Luckily for me, the owner of myContinue reading “THERAPY: CRUTCH OR CAST”
Imperfect
Last week I made a moderate mistake at work. I am a nanny for two little girls, 4 and 7. I had to drive the 7-year-old to her dance class at 5:15 and pick her up 45 minutes later. The only thing is, I pick her up on another day at 5:30. I was havingContinue reading “Imperfect”
The Very Beginning part 2
Earlier, I wrote about when our puppies got off the screened-in porch and ate glass. Around that same time my father made of, apparently, several suicide attempts. I was 4 or 5. My mother had taken my little sister to our sitter’s house. I was in the kitchen washing dishes. One of my favorite activities.Continue reading “The Very Beginning part 2”
Tackling Shame
Every time I have taken a step forward toward shame, it has felt impossible. Group was a good example of that. I was good at giving feedback to others. I excelled at remembering the details of the problems of the other members, so I could pull together what they were going through, and relate itContinue reading “Tackling Shame”
