My book ends with my first day of total happiness. For most of my life, even when I was happy, there was a heaviness behind it. There was always pain. A good day was when I woke up, vaguely disappointed that there was another day. On a bad day, it was a heavy, desperate sort… Continue reading And Now, Something Totally Different
Tag: life
And Then There Was…Sex
A history of dating. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Considering the trauma I experienced around sex in my childhood, it is no surprise that I avoided dating. Until Bradford. It was the summer before I turned 16. My sister was hanging out with a group of friends. I felt tolerated. Bradford, a year older than I, was… Continue reading And Then There Was…Sex
More Imperfection
Troubles on the job Copyright 2021 Deborah Adams I love my job. Really, truly, honestly. I have been taking care of the same family as a part-time babysitter for almost 7 years, since the oldest child was less than a year old. I just fell into it, but it has been a great run. Still,… Continue reading More Imperfection
De-Vilifying Old Behaviors
copywrite 2020 Deborah Adams Sometimes a pint of Ben and Jerry’s is just ice cream I used to think that I was alone. I thought using food to gain some control or comfort was something that only existed on the fringes of normalcy. I felt pain, shame, and disgust over my behavior. I have an… Continue reading De-Vilifying Old Behaviors
Tackling Shame
copy write Deborah Adams Every time I have taken a step forward toward shame, it has felt impossible. Group was a good example of that. I was good at giving feedback to others. I excelled at remembering the details of the problems of the other members, so I could pull together what they were going… Continue reading Tackling Shame
Graduation
Today I said goodbye to Jonna, my therapist of 14 ½ years (halves are always important to me). I had four weeks of notice. Not a lot of time to wrap up all the loose ends. I thought I would be devastated. I thought I might break down and cry. Certainly, there were nights in… Continue reading Graduation
The very beginning
The beginning of Shame When I was four years old our family dog had a litter of puppies. They were these cute, snuggly fur balls. It was so much fun to play with them. They stayed in our screened in porch off the kitchen. One morning I woke up early. I was eager to play with the puppies,… Continue reading The very beginning
Winning Over Shame 