When Pain is a Source of Arousal When my father abducted me right after my 9th birthday, he had already been grooming me for at least 2 years. He left me with a group of 3 men and 2 women that I think of and refer to as THEY. They were true sadists. I do… Continue reading My Body’s Betrayal
Tag: mental health
I Will Not Fall Apart
Staying strong during the holiday season December is hard for many people. Some because of stressful family dynamics. Others because it reminds them of loved ones who are gone. For me, it is the anniversary of when my father abducted me on my 9th birthday. What followed is a large part of my upcoming book,… Continue reading I Will Not Fall Apart
Color Coded Feelings
Learning how to uncomplicated emotions There was a time, in the last decade, when I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. We started with some simple drawing of my feelings, my inner picture of myself. We quickly realized that my perceptions of many feelings were seriously skewed. The therapist came up with… Continue reading Color Coded Feelings
Random Reinforcement
Waiting for me to get up. Copyright Debi Adams 2022 When you are training a dog, or in my case, a person, there are a variety of reinforcement techniques you can use. You can reward the dog, (or me as a child), every time they do something. With this, the dog, (or me as a… Continue reading Random Reinforcement
And Now, Something Totally Different
My book ends with my first day of total happiness. For most of my life, even when I was happy, there was a heaviness behind it. There was always pain. A good day was when I woke up, vaguely disappointed that there was another day. On a bad day, it was a heavy, desperate sort… Continue reading And Now, Something Totally Different
Hog-tied by shame…Not!
It’s funny the things I can do when those evil voices in my head are usually silent. It is a hard won, and much appreciated silence. A silence that allowed me finally to finish my book, after 10 years of struggling to get it on the page. A lifetime reimagined and, most of the time,… Continue reading Hog-tied by shame…Not!
And it Keeps Going On
It would be nice to think getting to a point where I could forgive myself would be the end of a story. Perhaps there would be a twinge now and then, but life should be great. What I have been learning is, yes, life is great. There are moments when the life fairly glows. Most… Continue reading And it Keeps Going On
Shame
So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I recently sent my memoir to the editor. It’s so nerve-wracking! I want feedback, yet I fear it, as well. Of course, there is some shame attached. How dare you! My inner voices are crying. That is a secret! While there are so many things that have… Continue reading Shame
My Favorite Words
Change your language, change everything Saying I can’t do something yet, as opposed to simply saying I can’t do it, leaves a world of possibility open to me. The things I can’t do Yet are almost endless. The list I legitimately cannot do, really, is rather small. Similarly, Despite takes my current limitations, the broken… Continue reading My Favorite Words
Facing Down Shame
From here to there Certain things, even when the sting of shame has healed, remain embarrassing. Which is not all bad. Shame, in its purest form, alerts us to when we have crossed a line. Or, as is frequently true in my life, when someone else has crossed a line. Something that feels so wrong… Continue reading Facing Down Shame
Winning Over Shame 