shame

Color Coded Feelings

Learning how to uncomplicated emotions There was a time, in the last decade, when I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. We started with some simple drawing of my feelings, my inner picture of myself. We quickly realized that my perceptions of many feelings were seriously skewed. The therapist came up withContinue reading “Color Coded Feelings”

Random Reinforcement

When you are training a dog, or in my case, a person, there are a variety of reinforcement techniques you can use. You can reward the dog, (or me as a child), every time they do something. With this, the dog, (or me as a child), learns the behavior quickly. If you stop giving theContinue reading “Random Reinforcement”

Hog-tied by shame…Not!

It’s funny the things I can do when those evil voices in my head are usually silent. It is a hard won, and much appreciated silence. A silence that allowed me finally to finish my book, after 10 years of struggling to get it on the page. A lifetime reimagined and, most of the time,Continue reading “Hog-tied by shame…Not!”

And it Keeps Going On

It would be nice to think getting to a point where I could forgive myself would be the end of a story. Perhaps there would be a twinge now and then, but life should be great. What I have been learning is, yes, life is great. There are moments when the life fairly glows. MostContinue reading “And it Keeps Going On”

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I recently sent my memoir to the editor. It’s so nerve-wracking! I want feedback, yet I fear it, as well. Of course, there is some shame attached. How dare you! My inner voices are crying. That is a secret! While there are so many things that haveContinue reading “Shame”

My Favorite Words

Change your language, change everything Saying I can’t do something yet, as opposed to simply saying I can’t do it, leaves a world of possibility open to me. The things I can’t do Yet are almost endless. The list I legitimately cannot do, really, is rather small. Similarly, Despite takes my current limitations, the brokenContinue reading “My Favorite Words”

Facing Down Shame

From here to there Certain things, even when the sting of shame has healed, remain embarrassing. Which is not all bad. Shame, in its purest form, alerts us to when we have crossed a line. Or, as is frequently true in my life, when someone else has crossed a line. Something that feels so wrongContinue reading “Facing Down Shame”

The Thief

A story of earned shame By the time I was eleven, I was starting to come out of my deep depression. My mother had moved us to a high-rise closer to town. It was a tougher neighborhood. Even school was not the haven it had once been. I began to have feelings that frightened me.Continue reading “The Thief”

And Then There Was…Sex

A history of dating. Considering the trauma I experienced around sex in my childhood, it is no surprise that I avoided dating. Until Bradford. It was the summer before I turned 16. My sister was hanging out with a group of friends. I felt tolerated. Bradford, a year older than I, was part of thatContinue reading “And Then There Was…Sex”

BALANCE

When life gives you sunshine don’t go chasing after the rain. I have what I think is my strangest problem ever. My time is overscheduled, all with things I desperately want to do. I work 20 hours a week, so what could congest my week that much? Just what I asked myself. First, there isContinue reading “BALANCE”