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Winning Over Shame

Getting past a lifetime of pain to become a "Real Girl"

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Category: Musings Of The Past

Musings Of The Past

My Body’s Betrayal

December 13, 2022January 30, 2023 DebiLeave a comment

When Pain is a Source of Arousal When my father abducted me right after my 9th birthday, he had already been grooming me for at least 2 years. He left me with a group of 3 men and 2 women that I think of and refer to as THEY. They were true sadists. I do… Continue reading My Body’s Betrayal

Musings Of The Past

Color Coded Feelings

November 29, 2022January 30, 2023 DebiLeave a comment

Learning how to uncomplicated emotions There was a time, in the last decade, when I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. We started with some simple drawing of my feelings, my inner picture of myself. We quickly realized that my perceptions of many feelings were seriously skewed. The therapist came up with… Continue reading Color Coded Feelings

Musings Of The Past

And Now, Something Totally Different

November 17, 2022January 30, 2023 DebiLeave a comment

My book ends with my first day of total happiness. For most of my life, even when I was happy, there was a heaviness behind it. There was always pain. A good day was when I woke up, vaguely disappointed that there was another day. On a bad day, it was a heavy, desperate sort… Continue reading And Now, Something Totally Different

Hog-tied by shame…Not!
Musings Of The Past

Hog-tied by shame…Not!

November 15, 2022January 21, 2023 Debi2 Comments

It’s funny the things I can do when those evil voices in my head are usually silent. It is a hard won, and much appreciated silence. A silence that allowed me finally to finish my book, after 10 years of struggling to get it on the page. A lifetime reimagined and, most of the time,… Continue reading Hog-tied by shame…Not!

Musings Of The Past

Facing Down Shame

November 22, 2021January 21, 2023 DebiLeave a comment

From here to there Certain things, even when the sting of shame has healed, remain embarrassing. Which is not all bad. Shame, in its purest form, alerts us to when we have crossed a line. Or, as is frequently true in my life, when someone else has crossed a line. Something that feels so wrong… Continue reading Facing Down Shame

Musings Of The Past

Overcoming Self-Injury

October 18, 2021January 20, 2023 DebiLeave a comment

Caution, possible triggers ahead I There came a time when I no longer tried to kill myself. Partially, I realized it was pointless. Whatever pain and brokenness I had needed solving while I was alive. Otherwise, I would just drag it with me to the afterlife. I was going to have to become whole at… Continue reading Overcoming Self-Injury

Musings Of The Past

De-Vilifying Old Behaviors

December 20, 2020January 19, 2023 DebiLeave a comment

copywrite 2020 Deborah Adams Sometimes a pint of Ben and Jerry’s is just ice cream I used to think that I was alone. I thought using food to gain some control or comfort was something that only existed on the fringes of normalcy. I felt pain, shame, and disgust over my behavior.  I have an… Continue reading De-Vilifying Old Behaviors

Musings Of The Past

THERAPY: CRUTCH OR CAST

October 13, 2020January 19, 2023 DebiLeave a comment

Deborah Adams I have spent most of my adult life in therapy. First, as a Junior in high school. Then, when my close friend was in a car accident and almost died when I was 19. I had, for lack of a better word, a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t function. Luckily for me, the owner… Continue reading THERAPY: CRUTCH OR CAST

  • My Body’s Betrayal
  • I Will Not Fall Apart
  • Color Coded Feelings
  • Random Reinforcement
  • And Now, Something Totally Different

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