My Journey Through Self Injuring Phone by Deborah Adams. Copywrite 2021 I met Chris when I was 16. He was a friend of a friend. I felt a connection unlike any I had ever felt before. I wanted to know him, to spend time with him, to matter to him. Don’t confuse the way I… Continue reading Falling Apart
Author: Debi
I came upon shame naturally, I suppose. Before I was five I had experienced
*finding my father during a suicide attempt
*feeling responsible for the death of our puppies
*Hearing my mother take a beating from my beloved father that had been aimed at me
*being abandoned at a shopping mall
All of those lead me to believe that I was fundamentally wrong. That I should not exist.
As an adult I fell I to an open marriage and swinging.
It was years after my divorce before I started to attack my memories. Although I was determined to find a way through the pain it was agonizingly slow.
Today I consider myself healed from many of the things that I experienced .
In this blog I will go back and forth. Exploring the past and expressing how I got free.
Shame is agonizing, though some of it is good, natural. Otherwise, we would be sociopaths, able to manipulate others and only looking out for ourselves.
Today I live winning over shame.
More Imperfection
Troubles on the job Copyright 2021 Deborah Adams I love my job. Really, truly, honestly. I have been taking care of the same family as a part-time babysitter for almost 7 years, since the oldest child was less than a year old. I just fell into it, but it has been a great run. Still,… Continue reading More Imperfection
De-Vilifying Old Behaviors
copywrite 2020 Deborah Adams Sometimes a pint of Ben and Jerry’s is just ice cream I used to think that I was alone. I thought using food to gain some control or comfort was something that only existed on the fringes of normalcy. I felt pain, shame, and disgust over my behavior. I have an… Continue reading De-Vilifying Old Behaviors
THERAPY: CRUTCH OR CAST
Deborah Adams I have spent most of my adult life in therapy. First, as a Junior in high school. Then, when my close friend was in a car accident and almost died when I was 19. I had, for lack of a better word, a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t function. Luckily for me, the owner… Continue reading THERAPY: CRUTCH OR CAST
Imperfect
copyright Deborah AdamsI Last week I made a moderate mistake at work. I am a nanny for two little girls, 4 and 7. I had to drive the 7-year-old to her dance class at 5:15 and pick her up 45 minutes later. The only thing is, I pick her up on another day at 5:30.… Continue reading Imperfect
The Very Beginning part 2
Copywriter: Deborah Adams Earlier, I wrote about when our puppies got off the screened-in porch and ate glass. Around that same time my father made of, apparently, several suicide attempts. I was 4 or 5. My mother had taken my little sister to our sitter’s house. I was in the kitchen washing dishes. One of my… Continue reading The Very Beginning part 2
Tackling Shame
copy write Deborah Adams Every time I have taken a step forward toward shame, it has felt impossible. Group was a good example of that. I was good at giving feedback to others. I excelled at remembering the details of the problems of the other members, so I could pull together what they were going… Continue reading Tackling Shame
Graduation
Today I said goodbye to Jonna, my therapist of 14 ½ years (halves are always important to me). I had four weeks of notice. Not a lot of time to wrap up all the loose ends. I thought I would be devastated. I thought I might break down and cry. Certainly, there were nights in… Continue reading Graduation
Willingness
Why willingness? For several years I had the good fortune to be part of a wonderful weekly support group. Over time, I realized that I was resisting making the very changes I desired. Although I desired that change, there was something that I was not ready to give up. I wanted my life to be… Continue reading Willingness
Prelude to Willingness
Prelude to Willingness (written 2018) I have been in therapy since my junior year in high school, off and on. Well, more on than off. This incarnation I have been with my therapist for over twelve years. By far the most time I have worked with anyone. Which was great, because it allowed me to start getting… Continue reading Prelude to Willingness
Winning Over Shame 