My Favorite Words

Change your language, change everything

Saying I can’t do something yet, as opposed to simply saying I can’t do it, leaves a world of possibility open to me. The things I can’t do Yet are almost endless. The list I legitimately cannot do, really, is rather small.

Similarly, Despite takes my current limitations, the broken parts, into consideration. I can live a good and happy life Despite all the afflictions. When I say Despite, I am not discarding the past. I am rising above it.

I can’t complete my book, yet. However, I can write my blog posts. Later, when time has passed, I will rise to that challenge.

I can’t lose weight, yet. There are days I despair that the time will come when I can. And it is possible it won’t. However, I’m not counting it out. With everything that I have overcome, it very well could be a Yet.

Indeed, Yet is a beautiful word. It means I am not counted out. It leaves the future as a wide-open vista.

Despite, on the other hand, seems to validate and rise above the past. As in, Despite the sexual abuse I endured in my childhood and during my marriage, I can have a healthy intimate relationship. Not that I have one, Yet. But don’t count me out.

Despite gives me strength and power.

I used to hate when friends and professionals told me I am doing so well, considering everything I’ve gone through. I didn’t want to be someone weak and broken. Didn’t want to be lauded for things that would mean nothing from a “normal” or “whole” person. I couldn’t stand the fact that people, myself included, only gave me “pity” praise.

I practically felt the condescension. As if I were getting a consolation prize.

Today, less than a month before my 54th birthday, I feel whole and blessed, despite everything I have gone through. I am a vessel with the shattered pieces carefully and lovingly put together with lines of gold. More beautiful and functional, perhaps, than I ever would have been if I had never been broken. Despite the past, my future is bright, full of things I can’t even imagine, Yet.

If you have any thoughts or reflections on this or any of my posts, I would love to hear from you, either here, or, if you need more privacy, on my Facebook page Winning Over Shame.

Published by Debi

I came upon shame naturally, I suppose. Before I was five I had experienced *finding my father during a suicide attempt *feeling responsible for the death of our puppies *Hearing my mother take a beating from my beloved father that had been aimed at me *being abandoned at a shopping mall All of those lead me to believe that I was fundamentally wrong. That I should not exist. As an adult I fell I to an open marriage and swinging. It was years after my divorce before I started to attack my memories. Although I was determined to find a way through the pain it was agonizingly slow. Today I consider myself healed from many of the things that I experienced . In this blog I will go back and forth. Exploring the past and expressing how I got free. Shame is agonizing. Some of it is good, natural. Today I live winning over shame.

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