It would be nice to think getting to a point where I could forgive myself would be the end of a story. Perhaps there would be a twinge now and then, but life should be great. What I have been learning is, yes, life is great. There are moments when the life fairly glows. Most… Continue reading And it Keeps Going On
Author: Debi
I came upon shame naturally, I suppose. Before I was five I had experienced
*finding my father during a suicide attempt
*feeling responsible for the death of our puppies
*Hearing my mother take a beating from my beloved father that had been aimed at me
*being abandoned at a shopping mall
All of those lead me to believe that I was fundamentally wrong. That I should not exist.
As an adult I fell I to an open marriage and swinging.
It was years after my divorce before I started to attack my memories. Although I was determined to find a way through the pain it was agonizingly slow.
Today I consider myself healed from many of the things that I experienced .
In this blog I will go back and forth. Exploring the past and expressing how I got free.
Shame is agonizing, though some of it is good, natural. Otherwise, we would be sociopaths, able to manipulate others and only looking out for ourselves.
Today I live winning over shame.
Shame
So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I recently sent my memoir to the editor. It’s so nerve-wracking! I want feedback, yet I fear it, as well. Of course, there is some shame attached. How dare you! My inner voices are crying. That is a secret! While there are so many things that have… Continue reading Shame
My Favorite Words
Change your language, change everything Saying I can’t do something yet, as opposed to simply saying I can’t do it, leaves a world of possibility open to me. The things I can’t do Yet are almost endless. The list I legitimately cannot do, really, is rather small. Similarly, Despite takes my current limitations, the broken… Continue reading My Favorite Words
Facing Down Shame
From here to there Certain things, even when the sting of shame has healed, remain embarrassing. Which is not all bad. Shame, in its purest form, alerts us to when we have crossed a line. Or, as is frequently true in my life, when someone else has crossed a line. Something that feels so wrong… Continue reading Facing Down Shame
The Thief
A story of earned shame By the time I was eleven, I was starting to come out of my deep depression. My mother had moved us to a high-rise closer to town. It was a tougher neighborhood. Even school was not the haven it had once been. I began to have feelings that frightened me.… Continue reading The Thief
And Then There Was…Sex
A history of dating. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Considering the trauma I experienced around sex in my childhood, it is no surprise that I avoided dating. Until Bradford. It was the summer before I turned 16. My sister was hanging out with a group of friends. I felt tolerated. Bradford, a year older than I, was… Continue reading And Then There Was…Sex
BALANCE
When life gives you sunshine don't go chasing after the rain. I have what I think is my strangest problem ever. My time is overscheduled, all with things I desperately want to do. I work 20 hours a week, so what could congest my week that much? Just what I asked myself. First, there is… Continue reading BALANCE
Overcoming Self-Injury
Caution, possible triggers ahead I There came a time when I no longer tried to kill myself. Partially, I realized it was pointless. Whatever pain and brokenness I had needed solving while I was alive. Otherwise, I would just drag it with me to the afterlife. I was going to have to become whole at… Continue reading Overcoming Self-Injury
Anchor
Learning to become my own reason for living When I was a little girl, life was so chaotic. (Check out The Beginning and The Beginning part 2) It was hard to know what to trust. Who would not obliterate me. While, granted, most of that insecurity came from careful brainwashing from my father, there was… Continue reading Anchor
Graduation Part 2
A year without therapy Well, it has been a year since I ended 14 ½ years of therapy. I worried I might fall apart. That without the support and accountability—I didn’t know whether I could stay stable on my own. The truth is, I am not on my own. I have my sister, friends, and… Continue reading Graduation Part 2
Winning Over Shame 