The excruciating embarrassment of longing for a paternal figure My “First” Daddy My blog and my book expose so much of my father’s abuse. Yet I still loved him, needed him. For most of my life, I focused my need, reasonably enough, on him. Even during the first 10 years when I did not speak… Continue reading Daddy Crushes
Tag: Blogging
Three Grooves In My Mind
On making a high-stake decision. My Situation: Have you ever had the experience of reacting without thinking? I believe there are grooves in my mind. They are old, ingrained habits. Those habits pop up under stress. You know, those times you don’t have the energy to think through your reactions. I was recently told by… Continue reading Three Grooves In My Mind
My Mother, my Monster; My Mother, my Friend.
Expectations, for good or for bad, can make all the difference. Not loved for who I am When I was a child, my mother was not the warm and cuddly type. By the time I was 3 or 4, I realized she would not keep me safe in the world. As I shared in my… Continue reading My Mother, my Monster; My Mother, my Friend.
Debi Adams and Winning Over Shame – Allison In Wonderland Mental Health Podcast
My Body’s Betrayal
When Pain is a Source of Arousal When my father abducted me right after my 9th birthday, he had already been grooming me for at least 2 years. He left me with a group of 3 men and 2 women that I think of and refer to as THEY. They were true sadists. I do… Continue reading My Body’s Betrayal
I Will Not Fall Apart
Staying strong during the holiday season December is hard for many people. Some because of stressful family dynamics. Others because it reminds them of loved ones who are gone. For me, it is the anniversary of when my father abducted me on my 9th birthday. What followed is a large part of my upcoming book,… Continue reading I Will Not Fall Apart
Color Coded Feelings
Learning how to uncomplicated emotions There was a time, in the last decade, when I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. We started with some simple drawing of my feelings, my inner picture of myself. We quickly realized that my perceptions of many feelings were seriously skewed. The therapist came up with… Continue reading Color Coded Feelings
Random Reinforcement
Waiting for me to get up. Copyright Debi Adams 2022 When you are training a dog, or in my case, a person, there are a variety of reinforcement techniques you can use. You can reward the dog, (or me as a child), every time they do something. With this, the dog, (or me as a… Continue reading Random Reinforcement
And Now, Something Totally Different
My book ends with my first day of total happiness. For most of my life, even when I was happy, there was a heaviness behind it. There was always pain. A good day was when I woke up, vaguely disappointed that there was another day. On a bad day, it was a heavy, desperate sort… Continue reading And Now, Something Totally Different
Hog-tied by shame…Not!
It’s funny the things I can do when those evil voices in my head are usually silent. It is a hard won, and much appreciated silence. A silence that allowed me finally to finish my book, after 10 years of struggling to get it on the page. A lifetime reimagined and, most of the time,… Continue reading Hog-tied by shame…Not!
Winning Over Shame 