The excruciating embarrassment of longing for a paternal figure My “First” Daddy My blog and my book expose so much of my father’s abuse. Yet I still loved him, needed him. For most of my life, I focused my need, reasonably enough, on him. Even during the first 10 years when I did not speak… Continue reading Daddy Crushes
Tag: childhood
My Mother, my Monster; My Mother, my Friend.
Expectations, for good or for bad, can make all the difference. Not loved for who I am When I was a child, my mother was not the warm and cuddly type. By the time I was 3 or 4, I realized she would not keep me safe in the world. As I shared in my… Continue reading My Mother, my Monster; My Mother, my Friend.
Debi Adams and Winning Over Shame – Allison In Wonderland Mental Health Podcast
My Body’s Betrayal
When Pain is a Source of Arousal When my father abducted me right after my 9th birthday, he had already been grooming me for at least 2 years. He left me with a group of 3 men and 2 women that I think of and refer to as THEY. They were true sadists. I do… Continue reading My Body’s Betrayal
I Will Not Fall Apart
Staying strong during the holiday season December is hard for many people. Some because of stressful family dynamics. Others because it reminds them of loved ones who are gone. For me, it is the anniversary of when my father abducted me on my 9th birthday. What followed is a large part of my upcoming book,… Continue reading I Will Not Fall Apart
Color Coded Feelings
Learning how to uncomplicated emotions There was a time, in the last decade, when I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. We started with some simple drawing of my feelings, my inner picture of myself. We quickly realized that my perceptions of many feelings were seriously skewed. The therapist came up with… Continue reading Color Coded Feelings
Random Reinforcement
Waiting for me to get up. Copyright Debi Adams 2022 When you are training a dog, or in my case, a person, there are a variety of reinforcement techniques you can use. You can reward the dog, (or me as a child), every time they do something. With this, the dog, (or me as a… Continue reading Random Reinforcement
Anchor
Learning to become my own reason for living When I was a little girl, life was so chaotic. (Check out The Beginning and The Beginning part 2) It was hard to know what to trust. Who would not obliterate me. While, granted, most of that insecurity came from careful brainwashing from my father, there was… Continue reading Anchor
Imperfect
copyright Deborah AdamsI Last week I made a moderate mistake at work. I am a nanny for two little girls, 4 and 7. I had to drive the 7-year-old to her dance class at 5:15 and pick her up 45 minutes later. The only thing is, I pick her up on another day at 5:30.… Continue reading Imperfect
The Very Beginning part 2
Copywriter: Deborah Adams Earlier, I wrote about when our puppies got off the screened-in porch and ate glass. Around that same time my father made of, apparently, several suicide attempts. I was 4 or 5. My mother had taken my little sister to our sitter’s house. I was in the kitchen washing dishes. One of my… Continue reading The Very Beginning part 2
Winning Over Shame 