Holding opposite feelings in the holiday season. There is so much good happening in my life right now. Even things that seem bad are working toward a happy trajectory. To have this undercurrent of a heavy weight pulling me down is so hard. It’s not that this feeling is entirely new. It is just that… Continue reading Blessed; Yet Still Depressed
Tag: shame
Anniversary Reactions
Preparing for the probable storm. Copyright Deborah Adams 2023. Close up of a very unhappy pug (This post was written over a month ago. I was feeling small and vulnerable. I felt that no one could relate. Thank you to a friend who urged me to post anyway) I don’t believe anyone comes out of… Continue reading Anniversary Reactions
Daddy Crushes
The excruciating embarrassment of longing for a paternal figure My “First” Daddy My blog and my book expose so much of my father’s abuse. Yet I still loved him, needed him. For most of my life, I focused my need, reasonably enough, on him. Even during the first 10 years when I did not speak… Continue reading Daddy Crushes
Some More About My Book
From the back cover of Winning Over Shame--Overcoming Sexual, Emotional, and Psychological Abuse Are you ready to release the shame you hold because of someone else’s sins? This book can help. Winning Over Shame follows the life of Debi Adams. From unrelenting sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse as a child to a 12-year relationship that… Continue reading Some More About My Book
My Mother, my Monster; My Mother, my Friend.
Expectations, for good or for bad, can make all the difference. Not loved for who I am When I was a child, my mother was not the warm and cuddly type. By the time I was 3 or 4, I realized she would not keep me safe in the world. As I shared in my… Continue reading My Mother, my Monster; My Mother, my Friend.
Feelings Phobia
When emotions are so huge you've got to push them All down For years, I defined myself as phobic of emotional pain. Even the hint that the pain lay ahead was enough to make me mentally run away. I lost far too much time being dissociated. Like any proper phobia, just thinking about confronting it… Continue reading Feelings Phobia
Anxiety is No Way to Live
How I overcame the monster in my brain Until recently, and I am sure this does not surprise you; I was anxious all the time. Not just as a child. I had anxiety attacks daily. Something that felt like my old trauma often triggered them. Sadly, by the time of my first hospitalization, that felt… Continue reading Anxiety is No Way to Live
Anger- Why We Would Rather Blame Ourselves
As shame has been fading away, I have found anger rising in its place. Anger has always been a tough one for me. Tough to feel, and tough to tolerate from others. So, I would turn that anger inward. Of course, that becomes depression. That depression held me captive. I made it all about me,… Continue reading Anger- Why We Would Rather Blame Ourselves
So, Debi, You Wrote a Book…
Why you want to read "Winning Over Shame--Overcoming Sexual, Emotional, and Psychological abuse. If you enjoy the articles on this blog, I believe you will gain much from reading the book. It covers my early childhood in more detail. It also follows me as I grew up saddled with the pain and shame of the… Continue reading So, Debi, You Wrote a Book…
My Body’s Betrayal
When Pain is a Source of Arousal When my father abducted me right after my 9th birthday, he had already been grooming me for at least 2 years. He left me with a group of 3 men and 2 women that I think of and refer to as THEY. They were true sadists. I do… Continue reading My Body’s Betrayal
Winning Over Shame 